Cheers & Jeers
This has been a pretty big week: the quad is alight with student activity, Phin Fest advertisements have reached a new level of crazy and I’ve recently gotten rid of all my hoodies so that I don’t get shot buying Skittles. That’s not all, of course, so this week’s episode of Cheers & Jeers is themed with current events.
Only the most important have made it in, so here we go!
JEER of the week to KONY 2012
Seriously, what the French toast is going on with this? I haven’t been too involved with all the details, but here’s what seems to be happening: some white guy woke up one day and realized he hadn’t done enough to assuage his white guilt, so he decides to save invisible children in Africa. Don’t ask me why they’re invisible — I don’t know, unless of course it’s because all Africans are mutants straight out of Marvel. Anyway, so this guy Jason Russell sets up a foundation to save these children from the evil Joseph Kony (whose parents should have named him something more sinister if he was going to be a dictator). With the help of the foundation, Russell manages, in a shocking plot twist, to run around naked masturbating and get arrested. Weren’t expecting that, were you? Neither were we, thankfully. But TMZ is prepared for anything. So instead of getting Kony arrested, this guy ruins his cause by liberating his own invisible children, Kony is still in power, the children are still invisible, the organization is under suspicion of pocketing donations and Russell actually got himself arrested instead. Other than that, though, everything worked out just fine.
JEERS to botched reservations
Get your cheesecake, because it’s story time. Picture it: Sicily, 1934 (aka Penn State, 2012). One Cheers & Jeers has been traveling for days hours to the Deep South…of central Pennsylvania. I walk into an absolutely gorgeous vintage-style elevator that gives way to an even more gorgeous lobby. Like, this lobby is so extravagant, it could be on the Titanic (pre-op). I go to check in, and I’m told that the reservation that has been made for me was made for March 29. Then we enter that awkward moment when I’m standing in front of her at 11 p.m., on March 22. At this point I’m wondering if I’m going to find out what being homeless is like in a temporary “Tyra Show” kind of way. The story has a happy ending, though, because it gave me material for Cheers & Jeers this week, and in the end, that makes sleeping on a bench a little easier.
CHEERS to the broken dishwasher
There have been a couple times this semester so far when the dishwasher in the caf has broken down. While I’m not cheering the dishwasher breaking, I am cheering what happens when it breaks, like how they bring out disposable dishes. My first thought is how quickly they’re able to get the paper and plastic dishes out. My second thought is that it makes me feel like I’m at a picnic! Really the only bad part is how wasteful it is to use disposable dishes en masse like that, but it’s not as if there’s anything that can be done with a broken dishwasher, so it is what it is. This gets me thinking, though. Given the environmental success that going trayless has been, perhaps it’s time to just get rid of all dishes. You can only eat what you can hold in your hand. You save water, introduce portion control and can even eat on the go! I guess all that’s left to say is: you’re welcome.
JEERS to clothes
Whether you like it or not, it’s warm out now. While I sit firmly in the “not” category, I cannot deny the definite advantage that warm weather has in the form of me being able to justify wearing less clothing. Clothes are a good way of expressing individuality and are also a great replacement for the once-popular fig leaf. However, clothes are also restrictive and uncomfortable. When it’s hot out, that takes precedence. I’ve always been a believer that once I start sweating by just sitting there, it’s time to remove layers. I repeat that process until I have no more layers to remove. It’s that simple. I propose that we adopt that as a legally acceptable practice. For the sake of my comfort, this is crucially important. I’ll be meeting with Dr. Pestello about enacting this policy, and if it happens to be hot that day, it’ll only serve to prove my point when I’m wonderfully comfortable during the meeting and he’s suffering from heat exhaustion in his suit and tie!
CHEERS to Stefon
Le Moyne may have its new pub, but if you want some real fun, look no further. Syracuse’s hottest club is “Slore.” This club is the vision of club designer and part-time Good Witch of the North, Glinda LeMura. Located under a red light on Erie Blvd., this place has everything: hats, traps, a yield sign, an overtired William Mattar and look now — is that an angry mob? No! It’s “The Hunger Games’” fandom. Make sure you come by on Saturday nights, when they bring out the mini Kowalski. It’s that thing of where a midget goes up to every girl he sees, looks up and yells, “STELLLAAAAAAA!!!!” For The Landshark, I’m Cheers & Jeers. Goodnight everybody!